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Author Archives: Jen
To Our Blogroll Followers
Hi everyone,
Some of you may have noticed that you haven’t seen any updates from Cake Wrecks in a few days and I wanted to give you a heads up. On Friday night, Cake Wrecks moved to a new host and will no longer be publishing on blogspot. So, if you’d still like to receive updates from us, simply change the settings in your blogroll to read cakewrecks.com or cakewrecks.squarespace.com instead of cakewrecks.blogspot.com. That’s it!
Thanks so much for reading and Wreck On!
john (the hubby of Jen)
National *yawn* Golf Month
Contrary to popular belief, golf is not a complete waste of time. Many people, for example, use golf as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome money. Other, more talented players, actually use it as a means to rid themselves of cumbersome marriages.
“Just getting the Tiger’s eye view, dear!”
Still, whatever your reasons, golf can be an “entertaining,” “exciting,” and “fun” “sport.”
So let’s look at some golf cakes, shall we?
…off a large pile of crap. This is known as the “drop shot.”Next, assuming that you manage to hit the ball, you may end up on “the green.”
So lush.
Now, golf courses come in all shapes and sizes, which allows for a wide range of difficulty, scenery, and funny faces:
“The good news is you’ve got a nice straight shot.
“The bad news is that ball is to scale.”
Which reminds me: would you believe the term “lead foot” originated in golf?
If so, then let me tell you the one about the goofy cake blogger who knew obscure factoids about sports.
Every golfer worth his pom-pom hat/argyle knee-socks/plaid bloomers knows the importance of a great golf bag:
Which is apparently what this is.
In fact, this style of bag is known as the “Schweitzer Bag,” named after the famous German golfer, Albert Bag.
And finally, let’s go over some essential golf terminology:
Fore = what you yell before you whack someone with a golf ball.
For = how you indicate who gets the ugly golf cake.
“Four” = *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Golf claps all ’round to wreckporters Brandi T., Lauren F., Sam, Zakes C., K Eva., Stephanie, and Amelia B.
Available Exclusively at the Geiger Counter!
When it comes to powerfully good cake, the choice is (nu)clear:
And here’s some fuel for thought: this wasn’t a special order. It was just out in the display case, on the off chance someone was having a nuclear power plant themed occasion worth celebrating.
HOW WELL THEY KNOW ME.
Thanks to Clare M. for the rad wreckporting.
Killer Thrillers (HEEhee!)
[howling wind]
[howling dog]
[howling wind and dog together]
[plus a sprinkling of light rattling chains]
[howling wind and dog together]
[plus a sprinkling of light rattling chains]
Darkness falls across the land…
Prince Humperdink: SKIP to the end!
Oh. Ok.
[ahem]
The fowl-est stench is in the air…
“Quack.”
The FUNK of forty thousand years!
Give or take an eon.
And Grizzly ghouls from EVERY tomb…
Or maybe a Canadian Black Bear, eh?
Are closing in…to seal your DOOM.
Patriotically.
And though you fight to stay alive…
“Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m missin’myarm, and whereismyface?”
Your body starts to SHIVER.
…me timbers!
(Or maybe that’s Orlando Bloom. Hm? LADIES?)
For no MERE MORTAL can resist…
Baby Cthulhu!
Or…
… David Caruso riding a unicorn under a double rainbow!
The EVIL…
(Oh. Or that)
…of…
THE GRILLER.
MUAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHA!
AHA…
Wait.
Is that supposed to be steak?
Ew.
Thanks to Melinda M., Sarah C., Natasha, Nell H., John M., Rebecca J., Carrie, Robin L., Wolfie, and P. Humperdink for saving us from having to find a cake for “y’alls neighborhood.”
Cheap Cheat Sheets
Ah, where WOULD we be without those helpful hints from our friendly wreckerators?
“WHAT IN HOLY…oh. It says, ‘Meow!’
“So it must be something that can imitate a cat.”
Sometimes the hints are fairly subtle:
Pssst. You misspelled “Poopy.”
While wiser wreckerators go for slightly more direct labeling:
Finally answering the question, “Can I get a what-what?”
Diploma?
Now you’re just screwing with us.And finally, my favorite, no doubt written after someone was asked just a few times too many:
Thanks to Sara A., Julia L., Stephanie L., Sadie P., Rose B., Anne B., Elizabeth S., & Erin F., who are all going, “OoooOOooh, NOW I see it!”
Sunday Sweets: Threadcakes 2011
It’s Threadcakes time again, peeps! This is the contest inviting you (yes, YOU) to make a cake of your favorite Threadless shirt design. There are fun prizes, and your cakes are judged by the likes of Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes, Bakerella, Bake and Destroy, and yes, even yours truly. 
One of my favorite parts is seeing how folks interpret a 2D illustration into a 3D cake sculpture. You know, like this:
“The Friendly Spirit”
So fun. The moss is made from green coloring and ground almonds! Genius.
Here’s a fun throwback to our old-school arcade pals:
“Breaaad“
“This Game Sucks”
And its 3D interpretation:
By Elina Prawito of bake-a-boo
Now I want to play Super Mario Bros.
This zombie sandwich is an adorable choice for Threadcakes:
“Breaaad“
And this little cake is to die for!
By Melissa Cody
I love how his little zombie legs are bursting through the baggie! Great detail.
You would think this next heavily detailed design would be impossible to replicate in cake:
“Carpooling is Fun!”
But this baker totally brought it to life. Adorable!
By Jessica Keller
Click on the link to read Jessica’s extensive process in creating this cake. And if you think Jessica’s style looks familiar, it’s because she made the Yoshi cake from last year’s contest!
This is a cute design on its own:
“Pros Cons”
But the baker really thought outside the (cigar) box when building this cake.
By Trina TeeThe box is made of vanilla cake with white chocolate berry swiss meringue buttercream. Mmmmm…. cigars.
There’s a 2D category in the Threadcakes contest as well. This is where detail and painting really shine.
I love this original design:
“Bloombox”
So naturally, its cakey counterpart is just as fun!
That takes a steady hand.
I wouldn’t want to tackle this incredibly detailed design:
“Sounds of The Ocean”
But the baker really made it pop by adding the 3D elements.
It took Leanne five days to mold all those pieces! Outstanding work.
The designs that feature comics are always fun to see as cakes.
“Captain Obvious”
The paint is key in getting the look right.
By Sarah Woodward
Sarah just graduated HIGH SCHOOL! She’s really got a talent for baking and art… obviously.
This next design has a lot of detail to begin with.
“My Life is a Game (a New Stage)”
But the baker really pulled it off:
“If On A Winter’s Night Young Lovers”
By Joy Ortiz
Absolutely beautiful.
Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com. And don’t forget to check out Threadcakes for more amazing cakes!
Stack the Wreck
Helen Keller once said,
“The best way out is always through.”
Which is fabulous advice pretty much any time you’re not constructing a multi-tier wedding cake.
Cake Construction: You’re Doing it Wrong.Let’s go in for a closer look, shall we?
Wow. You know, no matter how contrite the baker might have been, I have to say: those really are the tiers of a clown.
[Bah dum CHA]
Thank you. Thankyouverramuuuch.
Thanks also to Holly M. for putting the “holey” in “Holey wedding cake with big gaping holes in it, Batman!”
It’s TOO DARN HOT
If you’re not one of the people complaining about the heat right now, then you’re one of the people complaining about the people complaining about the heat.
Either way, we all have the same problem:
Bad bikini cakes.
Yep, this record-breaking heat wave has clearly addled bakers’ brains, my friends, and the results simply aren’t pretty.
Unless maybe you’re looking for two trees in a Seuss-ian landscape.
Er…
[head tilt]
Naaaah.
Whoah. It’s like I can’t even see the tomato soup skin!
[singing] The hills are ALIIIIVE…
With butterfly CENsor dots!
No, wait. I have a better song.
(Ahem hem hem.)
From the MOUNT-ains,
To the VAL-leys,
To the OH-shoot!
Is that a THOOOOONG?
GOOOOOD bless America!
My…
Oooohhh soooo wroooong!
Thanks to Heather R., Melissa D., Heather H., Ellen G., & Ginny, who will never look at a heart cookie the same way again.
Cake Wrecks: The People’s Court Edition
Guys, I get a lot of wreck reactions via e-mail. I’ve seen multi-page rants IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS from bridezillas, blistering sarcasm from disappointed parents, and more “LOL“s than I can count. I’ve even known one or two brides who had to take their bakers to court to get a refund.
However.
I’ve never – ever – seen someone sue a baker for over $4,300 over a misspelled name on a $55 cake.
UNTIL NOW.
If you can’t see the video because you’re at work, count yourself lucky. Frankly, I was ready to bash my own head in after the first three minutes. That lady gives crazy a bad name.
Oh, and here’s the wreck in question – or at least part of it:
The judge reads the baker the riot act over the cracks in the icing, but also points out to the mom that if you saddle your child with a ridiculously spelled name (it’s pronounced “Kiesha” but spelled “Keshia“) then you pretty much have to expect people to screw it up for her entire lifetime. And so stop sweating the small stuff already.
Good advice all ’round, wouldn’t you say?
Oh, and if *I* were that baker, I think I’d have replaced the cake with something a little more appropriate:
(Then I’d direct Ms. Crazy Pants to this blog for an eye-opening dose of perspective.)
Thanks to Kathy D. and David S., who are consulting their lawyers. So watch out, moms.
