Proper Ladies Room Etiquette

This means you, Betty

Dear neighbors,

It has come to my attention that some people simply do not know what a toilet seat is, let alone the proper ladies room etiquette for raising them before urinating from the standing position. So in the future (i.e. starting right now), please raise the seat before doing your business. And stop urinating on the seats (this means you, Betty). If this continues, you will all be peeing from the seated position. For reference, I have appended an image of what the toilet should look like before you urinate in it. Study it long and hard.

As a side note, may I suggest that ladies raise the toilet seat once they are done, so these toilet seat spoilers can no longer have their sick way with our lovely restroom. I mean, seriously, I’ve been raising toilet seats when I’m done for just about 20 years now (so what if I did it before I was potty trained?), how about some gender equality? In the great progressive state of California, this should have been done years ago.

Finally, to the person who left a toilet paper roll out in the hallway, shame on you. Not only is this wasteful, but it also allowed Pat to amuse his ego by rainbow kicking it around the hallway thinking he’s a soccer superstar. By the way, if it was me who put that roll out when I was drunk last night, I apologize. Very possible.

Love,

D”don’t piss on the f***ing seats”an
Executive Jungle Juice Maker

Submitted by: Stephen
Jungle Juice isn’t screwing around. Betty used to be a Ben.

EFCP - Proper Etiquette

Stairway To Crazy


Crazy Emails - Stairway To Crazy

A stairway audit

A surprise stairway safety audit was conducted by the East Building Office Safety Team on Tuesday morning, June 9th, from 6:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. The intent was to raise awareness of stairway safety and to mitigate accidents on the stairways that lead from the parking lot to the East Building entrance.

The results of the audit revealed that 35 percent of our employees use the stairway hand rails when arriving for work. Of the total 128 people who were observed using the parking lot stairway, only 45 used the hand rail, which means 83 of our co-workers neglected to use appropriate hand rail safety. A gender breakdown revealed that 69 percent of those who used the hand rail were female. One other notable observation: one employee was carrying two bags and a cup of coffee and still managed to use the hand rail.

Everyone who entered the building through the main doors during the audit received a “Steps for Stair Safety” handout. Those who demonstrated proper hand-rail safety on the main stairway from the parking lot were given a ticket for a chance to win a S- Café meal voucher valued up to $10. The voucher winners are:

K- C-, D- C-, M- F-, M- H-, D- H-, D- H-, J- H-, A- H-, S- L-, and R- V-.

The East Building office safety team wants to thank all of those who demonstrate stairway safety. It serves as an important reminder to keep our sights on Target Zero as we focus on “Falls at Work” during our National Safety Month celebration.

Sidebar: Facts from the stairway safety audit:
We observed 128 people using the parking lot stairway from 6:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. Bottom line: 35 percent used the handrail and 65 percent did not.

6:30am to 7:30am

62 people used stairway: 15 used handrail, 47 did not. Those that used handrail: 8 male, 7 female

7:30am to 8:30am

66 people used stairway: 30 used handrail, 36 did not. Those that used handrail: 6 male, 24 female

Grand Total

128 people used stairway: 45 used handrail, 83 did not. Those that used handrail: 14 male, 31 female

Comments

“It’s dirty”

“Not without gloves”

“Nice gesture”

“Do another surprise audit in the middle of the day or at lunch time.”

“(This) was very well done. I was pleasantly surprised”

Notables

One employee was very rude and refused the handout.

Bad example: an employee bounded down the stairs two at a time without holding hand rail.

Good example: an employee with two bags and a cup of coffee still used the hand rail.

Many people were surprised when they entered the foyer because they could not see the team observing them from that area. Those that were recognized for using good safety by using the handrails were noticeably pleased.

Submitted by – Greg

Interoffice Warning

Crazy Emails - Interoffice Warning

Please let me know who forwarded bird remains to David !@#$! and Derek !@#!@#$!@ !@#$!@#$!@ via interoffice mail envelope (it would up being handled by office staff and then in my inbox in !@#$!#@$ Administration). Animal remains should never be forwarded through interoffice mail for many obvious reasons (and in this case, not even in a plastic bag).
If no one steps forward and identifies who did this, I will run an investigation to determine who did this if possible. Going forward, any !@#$!@#$ Operations Supervisor who knowingly violates this policy !@#$!@#% will be subject to progressive discipline. If you have any questions, please contact !@#$@#!$#% or me.

Doug

Submitted by – Speede

Do You Have My Stapler?

Crazy Emails - Do You Have My Stapler?

“Due to the lack of holiday bonuses, raises, promotions in addition to the increase in taxes, health insurance and transportation costs, it has come to our attention the average work cubicle has too many sharp objects.
Please turn in all letter openers, scissors, staplers and fine tip pens to the office manager before the end of the day.

Thank you.

Director of Human Resources/Information Technology/Marketing/Corporate Services”

Submitted by – Anonymous

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